Technology- friend or foe?

Technology. It's a huge blessing in my life. I can get in touch with my friends and family thousands of miles away in an instant. There is an enormous, seemingly infinite library of information on the web, which means I never have to wonder for long about something without being able to find the answer, or at least, someone's interpretation of the answer. I can buy things without leaving my living room, and have them delivered to my door, or someone else's door. Even better, I can buy music which gets delivered direct to my computer. I need do no more than click on the appropriate "button."

And yet I wonder just how good it is for me.

By getting me used to having whatever I want as soon as I realise I want it, it affects me negatively in a number of ways:

It somehow justifies my innate impatience. If the internet connection is slow today, I get overly frustrated and annoyed. This spills over into real life too, so the times I have to wait for things to be done, or finished, or given to me become intolerable and make me grouchy.

It feeds my greed. If I can get it so easily, why should I deny myself? My self-control goes out the window. Especially, in my case, with music - at only 79p a song on iTunes, it doesn't feel as though I'm spending very much at any one time. It soon builds up, of course.

This, in turn, leads me to appreciate less what I already have. I'm suddenly excited about having the newest thing, and I neglect the things I already have. So whether I'm buying a book or music, I focus on the new and stop listening to/reading my older collection.

iTunes

I have 2000 songs in my iTunes library. How often do I listen to any one of them? Not often. I really do tend to listen again and again to the album or song I bought most recently, until I'm sick of hearing it, or it loses its impact. Then something else that's new catches my attention, or I go back to something older from my collection. But with 2000 songs to choose from, I really do lose perspective and sometimes find myself lost for something to listen to. I have been known to start listening to one album then realise it's not really what I want to hear at the moment, so I go find something else, but then that doesn't really do it for me either... In the old days, with records, tapes or even CDs, I would either have spent longer on the choosing or would have been happier with my choice. But because I'm so used to instant gratification, I'm unimpressed if there's a song I don't absolutely LOVE.

One of the great things about iTunes is that you can make up your own "playlists" so you can select the songs from different albums you like and put them together. Yet this also makes me much more impatient with the music. If I only ever listen to things I really really like, is that really good for me? In my own little world, I don't ever have to put up with anything less than wonderful. And I wonder whether I'm becoming more and more set in my ways and protective of my own little bubble and maybe actually it would be very good for me not to live on my own for a while...

And then there's Facebook.

I admit to having a love-hate relationship with this social networking thing. So, you put your picture on it, add some personal information and then collect Facebook friends. Then you add applications, which can be games to play with others, campaigns to join, vehicles for expressing yourself or creative ways of describing yourself (Which Disney character are you? Which flower are you?) And then what? You get to keep in touch with all your friends. Hmm. These would be the same friends you see at work, or the ones you normally email, or folk at church... The same people, in fact, that you see or are in touch with anyway.

Okay, there are some people I have got in contact with who I haven't seen for a long time, and at first, it's really great to "see" them. However, mostly they are people I have lost touch with because we don't have much in common any more. So they stay a "friend" and whenever I want, I can look at their profile and find out what they're up to... but there is no further communication between us. Is that relationship? Not really. So why bother then? Maybe I'm just having a "grumpy old woman" day. I do, after all, have a giggle at some of the things people write on Facebook. But even so, is my life really that much richer for it? Hmmm.

We live in a world where the expectation is for instant communication and instant gratification. I'm wondering whether we are losing an appreciation for well-thought-out correspondence here in email land. When we had to write a letter and post it and wait days for the reply, we would spend time composing it. Now we have a thought and we send it off into the ether without a second thought. I'm also wondering whether we are losing an appreciation for deeper relationships. All this Facebooking is very surface stuff and, while it may serve to keep a relationship on a certain level, it certainly doesn't develop it any further. But shouldn't real relationships should be constantly growing and deepening?

I do believe that we are losing an appreciation of the things we have when it is so easy to acquire more. And that is a dangerous thing. It encourages in us a dissatisfaction with what we have, because there's always something newer, if not better, out there. And that has to have an effect on our general attitude towards life. If others can have it, what's to stop me from getting it? And so, during the times when my life is hard work, and the world is shouting its wares at me; "happiness can be yours if you eat enough ice cream/have enough sex/fill your home with enough technology..." of course it's going to be a lot harder to resist the lure of the lies. If we give in to this mindset of having what we want whenever we want it in the realms of communication, information and online purchasing, then we will easily be sucked into having that same attitude in the rest of our lives.

So let's be careful not to always give in to the urge. Let's take a moment to think whether we really need to know that fact/buy that product/write that email. And let's bring God into all our decisions, whether big or small, so that his love and grace and peace permeate our lives and we live each day a little more faithfully to the ideals of the Kingdom of Heaven.

And I shall start with me.

© Fiona L Cooper 2009

God in the unknown

I recently got an email from a dear friend, about searching for God's will. I wanted to share her beautiful and encouraging words:

"Who wants what God does not? I don't. Only His perfect will will do!! Right? So, back to the beautiful place of waiting in wonder for that very will to unfold."

"God makes all things beautiful in His own time. God's ways are perfect and if you sit with an unknown future blinking back at you, just rest and He will make the empty nothingness beautiful. But for today, for this moment just enjoy Him and trust Him... even though the future is not spelled out. This is our faith and this is what will please Him."

Amen!



© Fiona L Cooper 2009

The Joy of Singleness

I'm done with self-pity.

I'm over feeling sorry for myself.
I've had enough of wallowing.

It's time to challenge the assumption which is prevalent in society and the church that marriage is inherently better than singleness. It's not. Look at what Jesus and Paul say (Matt 19:11-12; 1 Cor 7:27-28 & 32-34). Jesus himself was single, in a culture where it was by far the norm to marry. In our culture too it is the norm to get married, or at the very least (for non-Christians) to have long-term sexual relationships. This makes it pretty hard for those of us who are single. The pressure comes from all sides to "find THE ONE," settle down and have a family.

Because it is so normal to get married, those of us who aren't feel as though we're missing out on something; we're not quite grown-up if we haven't entered the club of the "married with children." And so we lament our lack of companionship, sexual fulfillment and offspring. And we get together with others in our situation and moan about the lack of single Christian men and we try not to look too desperate whenever we meet a new man who's single.

But what if we really believed that there is nothing wrong with being single? What if we could see our singleness as being a channel for God's blessing and even an opportunity to grow in intimacy with God which we wouldn't have if we were married? What if we could show the world the benefits of being single, so that others could see for real that it's a truly blessed lifestyle?

Then people might see that singleness can be more than just a time of waiting for the right man; that it can mean a life of fulfilled contentment. The single people we know who are younger than us might learn not to fear singleness in the way that we did when we were younger. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I am tired of the messages I am constantly bombarded with about how much better life is if it's lived with a partner. I want to explore the possibility of living out my singleness without feeling that it is somehow less valid than marriage. Marriage is the norm. I want to be normal. But why do I feel that normal is good and therefore abnormal is bad? Perhaps the word 'abnormal' has negative connotations. What about 'unusual' then? Or 'unique'? Every one of us is unique, so why should we want to conform to society's idea of what's good? Unique is good. Let's be proud of being different. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Let's stop thinking of marriage as some higher state of being and start thinking about our singleness as being God's gift to us at this time. It is a gift he has given us which we can use for his good purposes, to bless and encourage others and to grow in intimacy with him. When we focus on God, our perspective changes. We start to see things as he sees them and so we begin to understand something of his wonderful plan for us as we accept our circumstances and step out in faith with him.

Let's live life to the full, making the most of every opportunity to develop our gifts and form deep relationships. This life is all about relationships, but not just of the romantic, life-long partnership kind. Invest in the friendships you have. Seek out new friends. Make time to really get to know other people; develop bonds of shared experiences and emotions. Be generous with your love. Spend time with families - if you long for children of your own it can be a wonderful thing to get to know other people's children. As a non-parent, you can develop a very special relationship with children that can be of enormous blessing to yourself, the children and their parents.

Most importantly, invest time and energy in your relationship with God. He is there, waiting for us to turn to him, longing for us to know him as he knows us. He wants all of us, not just half an hour in the morning, but all day, every day. He loves us with a passion no human could ever match. Why settle for anything less than a fully intimate relationship with our Lord?

If marriage is a picture of God's relationship within the Trinity, and if sex is a glimpse of heaven, then these are truly wonderful things. But they are images of something deeper, more intimate, more holy, more connected, more fulfilling. More, more, more. Why should we want the image if the real thing is out there, waiting to be found by us? The real, deep, abiding, passionate, never-ending, glorious love of the Father is ours for the taking. Why do we search for its earthly substitute if God is calling us here and now into a holy union with him? Can't you hear the Father's voice calling you; "Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me." (Song 2:10)? He is inviting us to join him on an adventure of abandoning ourselves completely to him.

Rob Bell says (referring to the passages from Matthew and 1 Corinthians above), "It's not just that you're fine single. The premise of the Scriptures is that you are able to connect with God and serve God in ways that those who are married can't. The tilt is towards being single, not away from it." (Sex God)

Let's be glad for the things which make us different from our married friends. Let's enjoy our solitude, our independence, our freedom to choose what to do and when and how to do it. Let's not feel guilty any longer for being able to sleep late on a Saturday when everyone else has to get up with the larks to take the kids swimming or do the weekly shop. Let's enjoy doing things on the spur of the moment and choosing which film to watch without having to take anyone else's taste into account! Let's talk about the things we enjoy about our life with our friends, single and married alike. Let's begin to spread the word that being single can be A Good Thing.

And let's seize the opportunities our single life gives us to love the Lord our God with all our heart, all our soul and all our strength (see Deut 6:5). Let us say from the bottom of our heart that, "you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." (Ps 16:5-6) Let us seek him with an unquenchable desire, reaching for the day when, "you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." (Ps 16:11)

Let's make it our aim to find our satisfaction in our Lord and Saviour, and let's not rest until we have found complete joy in deep intimacy with him.

Two books I recommend about singleness/relationships and God:
Al Hsu "The Single Issue" (Known in the US as "Singles at the Crossroads")
Rob Bell "Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality."

Other books I recommend about a deeper, more fulfilling relationship with God:
John Piper "When I Don't Desire God"
Jeanne Guyon "Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ"
Elizabeth Prentiss "Stepping Heavenwards"


© Fiona L Cooper 2008

Introvert or Extrovert? THAT is the Question!

The world can be divided in many ways; between women and men; singles and married; those who love Marmite and those who hate it; those who live in the country and those who live in a town; the list is endless. But one of the more significant divisions is that between the extroverts and the introverts.

Here's a conversation I overheard between "Ida" the introvert and "Eve" the extrovert, who were both studying and living at Bible College. You'll probably identify with either one or the other:

Eve: "What are you doing this afternoon?"
Ida: "I think I'll go swimming."
Eve: "Oh, what a great idea, I'll come with you!"
Ida (all of a sudden feeling much less enthusiastic about swimming!): "okay then"
Eve (a bit puzzled why Ida isn't jumping up and down with pleasure at the idea of having company, but nevertheless thrilled with the idea herself): "fantastic, I'll go get my stuff!"

What Eve failed to realise is that Ida was looking forward to spending the time alone at the pool. In fact, one of the reasons she chose that as an activity was precisely because she didn't want to join in any of the group activities that were taking place closer to home! Eve on the other hand imagines she's doing Ida a great favour, because who would want to go swimming on their own if she could have company?!!!

At a social gathering, the introverts will be the ones sitting in deep conversation with someone, or they'll be standing by a wall somewhere, looking very uncomfortable and trying to think of an excuse to leave as soon as possible. Meanwhile, the extroverts are talking in groups, or talking to a string of people, wandering from one conversation to another.

This division can define our lives in quite profound ways. Depending on which side of the line you are on, you may get a real buzz out of being around people a lot, or you feel that excitement about spending hours on your own. Just as there is no better option between the sexes or whether you're married or single, there is no better option between being an extrovert or an introvert.

However, as an unapolagetic introvert, I have observed that the world tends to be defined on extroverts' terms. This means introverts often get defined in negative ways - 'uncomfortable in social situations'; 'don't have vast numbers of friends', etc, rather than positive terms, like; 'have very deep and satisfying friendships'; 'enjoy spending time on their own', etc. It is generally the extroverts that run the world; they are the ones who organise the social events and the ones you notice at parties; they are the ones who can walk into a room full of people and know they're going to have a great time. Meanwhile the introvert will hang back and let the extroverts do all the socialising, all the time hoping that one of them might take enough of an interest in her to really find out how she ticks. Unfortunately, that ain't likely to happen, certainly not straight away.

Extroverts often make introverts feel worthless because they think everyone ought to be as comfortable as they are in social situations and they can look down on those who struggle, with the attitude of, "just get over it." However, for an introvert, the idea of spending time in new social situations, or with a lot of people they don't necessarily know, is actually extremely stressful and can be quite traumatic. Really. I know someone who, while at Bible College, decided to eat lunch in her room every day because she couldn't face the daily stress of entering the huge dining hall and choosing somewhere to sit. I can picture those of you who are reading this and thinking, "pull yourselves together, don't be ridiculous!" If you're thinking that, then the chances are you're a definite extrovert.

The world tells introverts they're inadequate to such a degree that they often end up believing that there really is something wrong with them. Unfortunately, because introverts tend to be quieter (not exclusively, but generally speaking!) then they don't get heard above the din of the extroverts who are particularly fond of the sound of their own voices! This means they can feel very misunderstood and many times think they are the only one in the world to struggle in this way. It can be a wonderful relief to realise that there are many of us out there who understand.

Challenges on the mission field
Introverts face particular challenges on the mission field. Entering a new culture forces people into a huge number of new social situations; with their mission team-mates, with their work colleagues, with people at church... And most of these will have different social "rules" to those they are used to. An introvert tends to process things internally so you may not see much "progress" in the adaptation to the new culture, but that does not mean it's not happening. Introverts need longer to observe people in social contexts in order to understand what's expected of them before feeling able to join in.

Language learning is a particular challenge to introverts. In order to improve your fluency, there's no other way than to take the plunge and try to communicate, even though you'll make mistakes. For an introvert, this can be a massive hurdle. Firstly because introverts don't tend to have the same desire to communicate that extroverts do, so there are fewer moments when they have the incentive they need to get over their fear of making a mistake. Secondly because, in processing their thoughts internally first, they take longer to reach a point where they know what they want to say, even in their first language. In a second language, this is magnified and so an introvert quickly feels frustrated that they can't respond quick enough, even when their actual level of knowledge of the language is sufficient to cope with the situation.

It is much harder for an introvert than an extrovert to get to know people and it takes longer for them to feel they have friends, because for an introvert a friendship is only satisfying when it has reached a certain depth. So introverts new to the mission field can feel lonely for a significant length of time. This calls for a certain amount of understanding on the part of the mission leaders. Understanding; not criticism! Please, if you're an extrovert and are in charge of introverts who are new to the field, don't compare them to the extroverts they've just replaced, who were so great at just getting on with it and making friends in the new culture etc. Give your introverts space to adapt and observe; in your shadow to begin with if need be. Then you will see that gradually they will find their feet and begin to take the initiative.

A word of caution to my fellow introverts; don't make it an excuse to hide away at home! It can be very tempting to feel sorry for yourself and want to steer clear of all uncomfortable situations. That's not possible and there's a fine line to walk between giving yourself the time and space you need and avoiding facing the challenges altogether. You need to walk closely with God to know which are the situations you need to force yourself into and which you can justifiably put off facing until you are better settled.

Finally, a note of encouragement; God made everyone different. Each one of us is unique and special to Him. None of us is better or worse than anyone else. There is no personality which should be aspired to; both extroverts and introverts have their strengths and weaknesses. Please don't wish you were made differently! Find out what your strengths are and learn to take advantage of them for the advancement of God's kingdom. Discover where your weaknesses are and learn to manage them in a healthy way. And most of all, learn to appreciate others for their own unique contributions in Christ's body; neither criticising them nor envying them for the ways they are different from you.

Particularly dedicated to my introvert friends on the SIM-Py team. You know who you are! Your friendship is like hot chocolate by a bonfire on a cold night in July!


Update: 23rd Sep 08:
Today I got a newsletter from an extrovert friend who has just moved from the UK to Asia and she writes this: "That evening when I returned I decided to spend some time with the girls who live in this boarding house. Every evening they peel garlic and sing songs together. So I joined them and spent about 2 hours chatting and peeling garlic." Perhaps this wasn't as easy for her as it sounds, but the idea of joining a well-established group in this way TERRIFIES me!!! I would first have to have short, individual conversations with the different people and then I'd need to be invited to join them - NO WAY could I ever just sit down with them like that!! And reading her comment made me feel rather inadequate because it seems like the absolutely best thing she could have done in the circumstances, but if it had been me, I'd have failed miserably.

© Fiona L Cooper 2008

The Big Fat Lie About Romance

I'm going to have a bit of a rant now. Well, after all, this is my blog and isn't that what these things are designed for?

I am FED UP with the lies that we are constantly sold about romance. They come from television programmes, advertisements, films, books and magazines. But we get them most from the telly that we all spend so much time watching. There's an advert here in Paraguay for a body lotion that shows a woman putting the cream on her leg, while her boyfriend watches. Then they both fall into bed and the voiceover says, "The difference between 'going to bed' and 'going to bed with him' is the softness of your skin." The idea it's selling us is that if we use the right skincare product, we're guaranteed to get the man of our dreams. IT'S A BIG FAT LIE!!! There is no cream, no make up, no pair of jeans, no shampoo which will help you find your Prince Charming. In your sane moments, you probably know that over-well. But in your moments of desperation, of wondering whether you'll ever get married, of doubting whether God really knows what's best for you and of thinking that you've maybe put off hundreds of possible suitors by choosing the wrong hairstyle; in those moments, you may take a bit of pursuading that what you're being sold is not the truth. In those moments you're vulnerable to whatever lies the devil exposes you to. And it makes me MAD! It's so unfair, but so in character for him to take advantage of our deepest longings in that way.

And the idea that we can find that perfect love, that the man of our dreams really does exist and when we find him, we'll live together in blissful happiness forever... IT'S A LOAD OF RUBBISH!!! Yet we're sold it from all sides and we begin to expect it to happen to us, even think it's our right. But it ain't going to happen. The perfect man does not exist. Nor, for that matter does the perfect woman. But you know that. Or do you? It's so very easy to be fooled into believing all the BALDERDASH we're shown on the telly or in magazines, particularly in those vulnerable moments mentioned above. And it's very hard to get away from the images of "true love" which we see all around us, so they become ingrained into our subconscious and we accept them as if they were reality. ABSOLUTE TRIPE. Perfect happiness does not exist this side of heaven. Why? Because everything in this world has been corrupted by sin.

The media have latched onto this longing in all of us for perfect love and they use it to sell us things, whether through advertisements or in persuading us to watch certain television programmes or buy particular magazines. And when they've reeled us in, we let our minds feed on their lies without ever questioning the truth of what we're seeing, reading or hearing. And so we go through life thinking that our perception of romance, gained through the GARBAGE we expose ourselves to in the media, is actually accurate. IT'S NOT.

If we had a truer idea of the realities of relationships and the possibilities of other ways to find satisfaction, we could be much happier than we are. I fully believe that the biggest cause of dissatisfaction and sadness in the world is unrealistic expectations. As we seek the blissful life we're sold, we are constantly disappointed because we fail to find it. The media promotes the possibility of marital bliss and when we find out our marriage isn't like that, we look for a way out so that we can find it with someone else. UTTER CLAPTRAP.

We need to realise that the ONLY person with whom we can have a completely intimate and perfectly loving relationship is God. That's what he made us for. To live in harmony with him. No person on this earth can ever fill the longings in your heart for deep love. Only God. No person on this earth will ever satisfy your heart the way he can. No-one on this earth will ever know you completely and yet love you intensely. But God does. Seek him, not romance. Allow yourself to be loved by God and you will get a glimpse of the joy that awaits you in heaven. A joy that will never fade, a love that will never disappoint, a life that will never end.




The glory is God's alone.

Wish you were here?

"I wish it was me!"
"It's so exciting what you're doing!"
"My life seems very ordinary in comparison."

Those are quotes from people in the UK on hearing about what I'm doing here, on the other side of the world.

It's true, it is exciting for me to be here, using my gifts and skills in this work I've been called to. However, I think the key to my joy is in the last few words of that sentence; the fact that I'm doing what God has asked me to do. God has a plan for each of us, uniquely suited to the gifts and personalities he has given us. The most exciting place to be, surely, is right in the centre of that plan. That is the place we can experience most blessing. That's not to say that it will always be easy. By no means! I have gone through some very difficult times while following God on this journey. I have often been challenged by deep desires for a different lifestyle, yet I know that God made me with this journey in mind and I would not give it up for anything in the world.

And, although there are moments of excitement and deep joy, the vast majority of my life is in fact taken up with the mundane ordinariness of life as we all know it; eating, cleaning, washing, shopping, minor stresses at work, personality differences with colleagues, frustrations with details at church...

God calls each of us to our own path, with its own challenges and joys. All of them leading to him, all of them equally precious in his sight. We must not discredit our own path because in our eyes it's somehow lacking in comparison with others'. Neither must we discredit others' paths in comparison to our own.

To some, God gives the privilege of travelling far and wide and meeting lots of people. To others, he gives the privilege of living in one place and becoming part of a stable community. Neither is better or worse, more or less important. Just different. Each person's path is uniquely suited to them.

So here's my challenge to you; are you doing what God has called you to do? Are you using the gifts he has given you for his purposes? If you know that the answer is "yes" then you can be sure that there is no other life better suited to you. If the answer is not "yes" then your task is to seek God's will for your life and accept the challenge of following him unconditionally, because that is where you will find the excitement and blessing you desire. If that thought scares you, give that fear to God. He will not ask you to do anything you are unable to do. He will not allow you to suffer more than you can bear. And he will be with you, guiding you, protecting you and above all, loving you, to the end of time.

"It is in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for" Ephesians 1 (The Message)