Walbottle Village First School 1980 Class 2

Dad found this in the attic the other day and sent it to me and my brother (who are both in the picture). Isn't it wonderful? I would have been about 7 and Keith would have been about 6. Keith and I spent some time yesterday on Yahoo Messenger identifying as many of our old classmates as we could. He was really good, I was well impressed with his recall of names. I was rubbish - I could only remember some girls in my year group; he could remember boys and girls from both year groups. Amazing! Through that discussion, I started thinking about a lot of things about my time at First School: Being in the same class as my brother, Maypole dancing, the kids who were from our village and those who were from nearby villages, friends we made at the time but have completely lost touch with now and birthday parties with Cadbury's Chocolate Fingers, which we never got at home! And I really remember hardly anything about the "lovely Miss Male" as my dad called her - she obviously made an impression on him!

We look like a real rag-tag bunch of random kids, don't we? I love it! We had a uniform, but it was obviously not as strict as uniform policies in some schools nowadays. As I recall, we really were from a wide range of backgrounds; some came from the posh new estate, some from the non-posh bit of the village and others from a neighbouring pit village. It was a small school (you can probably tell!) so we all knew each other and would play together in the evenings, weekends and holidays, out in the streets of the village or round at each other's houses. I remember watching Torvill and Dean skate their way to victory at the Winter Olympics at a friend's house in the posh part of the village, on a black and white telly (which was a bit incongruous, since we lived in the non-posh bit but had a colour telly!). I don't remember there being anything like a "cool crowd" at First School. I think we hung around with people who liked to do similar types of things at lunchtimes, mainly.

Nowadays my parents live right opposite the entrance to the First School and it's quite different now. The majority of the children are brought in cars (which tend to get annoyingly parked in front of our driveway!) rather than walked to school. They come from further away - there are very very few children in our village as far as I'm aware. At least you never see them - I guess if they do exist, they'll be inside playing on their Playstation or whatever. I think it's a shame that kids nowadays don't spend the same amount of time outdoors that we did. Well, that's my tuppence worth for the day!

The photo's a bit small, but can you tell which one is me?

© Fiona L Cooper 2008

The Joy of Singleness

I'm done with self-pity.

I'm over feeling sorry for myself.
I've had enough of wallowing.

It's time to challenge the assumption which is prevalent in society and the church that marriage is inherently better than singleness. It's not. Look at what Jesus and Paul say (Matt 19:11-12; 1 Cor 7:27-28 & 32-34). Jesus himself was single, in a culture where it was by far the norm to marry. In our culture too it is the norm to get married, or at the very least (for non-Christians) to have long-term sexual relationships. This makes it pretty hard for those of us who are single. The pressure comes from all sides to "find THE ONE," settle down and have a family.

Because it is so normal to get married, those of us who aren't feel as though we're missing out on something; we're not quite grown-up if we haven't entered the club of the "married with children." And so we lament our lack of companionship, sexual fulfillment and offspring. And we get together with others in our situation and moan about the lack of single Christian men and we try not to look too desperate whenever we meet a new man who's single.

But what if we really believed that there is nothing wrong with being single? What if we could see our singleness as being a channel for God's blessing and even an opportunity to grow in intimacy with God which we wouldn't have if we were married? What if we could show the world the benefits of being single, so that others could see for real that it's a truly blessed lifestyle?

Then people might see that singleness can be more than just a time of waiting for the right man; that it can mean a life of fulfilled contentment. The single people we know who are younger than us might learn not to fear singleness in the way that we did when we were younger. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I am tired of the messages I am constantly bombarded with about how much better life is if it's lived with a partner. I want to explore the possibility of living out my singleness without feeling that it is somehow less valid than marriage. Marriage is the norm. I want to be normal. But why do I feel that normal is good and therefore abnormal is bad? Perhaps the word 'abnormal' has negative connotations. What about 'unusual' then? Or 'unique'? Every one of us is unique, so why should we want to conform to society's idea of what's good? Unique is good. Let's be proud of being different. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Let's stop thinking of marriage as some higher state of being and start thinking about our singleness as being God's gift to us at this time. It is a gift he has given us which we can use for his good purposes, to bless and encourage others and to grow in intimacy with him. When we focus on God, our perspective changes. We start to see things as he sees them and so we begin to understand something of his wonderful plan for us as we accept our circumstances and step out in faith with him.

Let's live life to the full, making the most of every opportunity to develop our gifts and form deep relationships. This life is all about relationships, but not just of the romantic, life-long partnership kind. Invest in the friendships you have. Seek out new friends. Make time to really get to know other people; develop bonds of shared experiences and emotions. Be generous with your love. Spend time with families - if you long for children of your own it can be a wonderful thing to get to know other people's children. As a non-parent, you can develop a very special relationship with children that can be of enormous blessing to yourself, the children and their parents.

Most importantly, invest time and energy in your relationship with God. He is there, waiting for us to turn to him, longing for us to know him as he knows us. He wants all of us, not just half an hour in the morning, but all day, every day. He loves us with a passion no human could ever match. Why settle for anything less than a fully intimate relationship with our Lord?

If marriage is a picture of God's relationship within the Trinity, and if sex is a glimpse of heaven, then these are truly wonderful things. But they are images of something deeper, more intimate, more holy, more connected, more fulfilling. More, more, more. Why should we want the image if the real thing is out there, waiting to be found by us? The real, deep, abiding, passionate, never-ending, glorious love of the Father is ours for the taking. Why do we search for its earthly substitute if God is calling us here and now into a holy union with him? Can't you hear the Father's voice calling you; "Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me." (Song 2:10)? He is inviting us to join him on an adventure of abandoning ourselves completely to him.

Rob Bell says (referring to the passages from Matthew and 1 Corinthians above), "It's not just that you're fine single. The premise of the Scriptures is that you are able to connect with God and serve God in ways that those who are married can't. The tilt is towards being single, not away from it." (Sex God)

Let's be glad for the things which make us different from our married friends. Let's enjoy our solitude, our independence, our freedom to choose what to do and when and how to do it. Let's not feel guilty any longer for being able to sleep late on a Saturday when everyone else has to get up with the larks to take the kids swimming or do the weekly shop. Let's enjoy doing things on the spur of the moment and choosing which film to watch without having to take anyone else's taste into account! Let's talk about the things we enjoy about our life with our friends, single and married alike. Let's begin to spread the word that being single can be A Good Thing.

And let's seize the opportunities our single life gives us to love the Lord our God with all our heart, all our soul and all our strength (see Deut 6:5). Let us say from the bottom of our heart that, "you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." (Ps 16:5-6) Let us seek him with an unquenchable desire, reaching for the day when, "you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." (Ps 16:11)

Let's make it our aim to find our satisfaction in our Lord and Saviour, and let's not rest until we have found complete joy in deep intimacy with him.

Two books I recommend about singleness/relationships and God:
Al Hsu "The Single Issue" (Known in the US as "Singles at the Crossroads")
Rob Bell "Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality."

Other books I recommend about a deeper, more fulfilling relationship with God:
John Piper "When I Don't Desire God"
Jeanne Guyon "Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ"
Elizabeth Prentiss "Stepping Heavenwards"


© Fiona L Cooper 2008