It's very exciting because I've just seen my article, Sex and the single 30-something, published in the July edition of Evangelicals Now, a monthly magazine from the UK. It is my blog post (see the link on the right), adapted slightly. They kindly sent me a complimentary copy and there's a lot of interesting stuff in it.
Here's a quote from a book I'm reading at the moment, which sums up the prevailing attitude to celibacy, I think;
"There's nothing wrong with celibacy, as long as it's for the right reasons."
I wonder what those reasons are?!?! And what would be considered a wrong reason for celibacy?
The quote is from "Cold Kill" by Stephen Leather and it is said by a psychologist to her patient. It's quite clear that in our sex-crazed, God-denying culture, celibacy is seen as being so unnatural that you are considered abnormal and probably in need of help if you practise it.
Long live abnormality if it glorifies God!
02 July 2008
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Dear Fiona,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Irene and I am from Sydney.
I read your article and I actually sent it to quite a few of my friends in the same situation. Most of them are like you serving overseas as missionaries in various countries. I went to SMBC (Sydney Missionary & Bible College), which is why I have quite a few mission friends.
A few of them have emailed me back in response to say ‘Thank you’ that I sent it to them. I just wanted to thank you personally, and let you know that your honest article benefited other 30 something women in the same situation.
I know that a lot more could be said in your article than what could have been contained in a brief piece. I have thought of the issue quite a great deal and I think that there is a real responsibility that is lacking on the Christian evangelical guys side that our culture allows men to easily get away with. Often at Bible college a lot of my friends said how they were disappointed with the attitudes of a lot of the guys in how they treated ‘mature/godly’ Christian women and how they ran after the immature young pretty not as mature Christian girls ( yes, I am saying this from my Sydney evangelical context). I am being bold saying this...so please forgive!
Anyway I won’t go on. I just wanted to encourage you. In the end we have a very very sovereign God who is in complete control and he is able to provide our needs despite our context or situations or how helpless we may feel in them. I know this.
Yes… I am way into being a 30 something now, although someone thought I was ‘24’ the other day, which doesn’t make you feel better when you know how old you really are and that you are still single with know prospects!!!!
I know I haven’t said a great deal about myself as I didn’t want to ‘bother’ you seeing I am emailing out of the blue, but feel free to email me back if you like.
I just wanted you to know that God has used your situation to encourage other women who are going through exactly the same thing.
Love in Christ,
Irene x
Hi Irene, thank you for your feedback and for sending my article to others in the same situation. I'm so grateful that God has used what I've written from my own experience to bless and encourage others.
ReplyDeleteI think the only way to deal with the longings and frustrations we have is to look to God and inside ourselves, asking him to renew us every day and to conform our desires to his. I don't think it's helpful to put any blame or responsibility on anyone else, especially not members of the opposite sex. God has a plan for your life and it fits with what he wants to accomplish in you. If he wants you to get married, you will and it doesn't matter what the guys around you do; if they are acting immaturely, that's their problem, but it won't have any effect whatsoever on God's plan for you working out.
We need to be careful not to resent others, either because we see their actions as interfering with our hopes or because we envy their lives. Resentment quickly builds into bitterness and that's a very dangerous place to be. The more we focus on "woe is me" the further we step away from God and that's the last thing our Lord wants us to do.
The fact is that God gives us this gift of singleness for his glory. It is a very hard road to walk in this day and age, but that is part of his plan too. Have you noticed that it's when you're going through the tough times that you grow closer to God? Why would he want your life to be rosy all the time if it meant you would forget about him?
God will do mighty things through you if you allow him to! "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." (Ps 27:14)
Dear Fiona,
ReplyDeletethanks for your response.
I do agree with you and think the same sentiments.
I must apologise if it sounded like I was criticising the opposite sex etc. I realise that in such a limited way it could read like that, without context etc.
I was merely thinking of our cultural context and how as Christians we can easily go about in the way we treat others or approach issues more the way the world does rather in a way that serves another or puts the other first.
For instance our culture is quite individualistically orientated and emphasises choice so marriage is viewed within that context.
Of course I know and believe that God is completely sovereign over all. He only asks that we remain obedient no matter what the situation we may be in, and I know that marriage for instance to a suitable and godly person can happen if God wills, for anyone who may feel that they are in a position or circumstance and age that seems unlikely
Again I do apologise if I sounded quite hard and judgmental as it wasn't my intention.
I just wanted to let you know that your honest article encourage many of my friends who are in a very similar situation as yours.
I am encouraged that you are someone that is persevering in the faith and that you are living what you know is true!
Love always,
Irene x